I've moved my blog to WP: idefiningi.wordpress.com
June 17, 2015
performance (n.)
This past weekend marked two milestones for me:
One involved teaching.
Both involved learning.
Oh, and anxiety.
Did I mention anxiety? (It's one of my strong suits.)
But thankfully, so is coping.
Otherwise, my heart would have palpitated itself to nervousness hell this weekend.
On Saturday, I taught my first full-day workshop on social advertising through SFU Continuing Studies to a class of 29 students. On Sunday, I got on stage under the hot lights of the Rickshaw Theatre and shimmied my way through a group bellydance routine - in front of 300.
These two events had me performing in two very different
capacities; though differently uncomfortable about each, I was still equally uncomfortable about both.
Some say, "preparation is the mother of victory," yet I can't say I was prepared for either one. How could I be? I'd never done either, so in good ol' overthinky-Vish fashion, my imagination got the best of me and took to my nerves, building up worst case scenarios - over and over - until the only thing I could do was try to forget, drink tequila cocktails and pretend it wasn't happening.
Until it was.
Kidding aside, my coping strategy was this: I kept reminding myself that my "performances" weren't so much about how well I ultimately performed, but how much effort I put into performing my best - whatever that was. In the end, we can't all be superstars. But worse than failing according to some normative standard is 1) not trying; and 2) well... not trying.
I'd like to think that any amount of "failure" would be worth it if it meant having no regrets; knowing I tried my best, of course, requires trying it in the first place.
All this got me thinking about courage and what it takes for us to try new things - especially those things that elicit that insurmountable fear made all the greater from the weight of public scrutiny.
For me, having people who support me is a huge part of what gets me started. But my own knowledge of the payoff is what keeps me going - the knowledge that if I put in my best efforts, I have much more to gain regardless of what happens, than my audience has to lose if I fail. This helps to takes the pressure off.
Looking back, both my "performances" turned out pretty well; wait, scratch that - they turned out great. Despite my own hard-on-myself standards, I felt incredibly empowered and proud of myself after the applause came. Whether that was due to the quality of my performance or my knowledge that I faced a fear doesn't matter. I came away feeling great - accomplished.
After a frenzied weekend of much anticipation and stress, my real accomplishment, as many say, was in fact just "showing up." How you define "showing up" is up to you, though I see it as "showing up" after showing up. This is where the real reward comes from.
It's about starting what you started, yes - but then also following through with integrity.
One involved teaching.
Both involved learning.
Oh, and anxiety.
Did I mention anxiety? (It's one of my strong suits.)
But thankfully, so is coping.
Otherwise, my heart would have palpitated itself to nervousness hell this weekend.
On Saturday, I taught my first full-day workshop on social advertising through SFU Continuing Studies to a class of 29 students. On Sunday, I got on stage under the hot lights of the Rickshaw Theatre and shimmied my way through a group bellydance routine - in front of 300.
performance (n.): late 15c., "accomplishment" (of something), from perform + -ance. Meaning "a thing performed" is from 1590s; that of "a public entertainment" is from 1709.
Some say, "preparation is the mother of victory," yet I can't say I was prepared for either one. How could I be? I'd never done either, so in good ol' overthinky-Vish fashion, my imagination got the best of me and took to my nerves, building up worst case scenarios - over and over - until the only thing I could do was try to forget, drink tequila cocktails and pretend it wasn't happening.
Until it was.
Kidding aside, my coping strategy was this: I kept reminding myself that my "performances" weren't so much about how well I ultimately performed, but how much effort I put into performing my best - whatever that was. In the end, we can't all be superstars. But worse than failing according to some normative standard is 1) not trying; and 2) well... not trying.
 |
| It's not all about the performance. It's more about performing - period. |
All this got me thinking about courage and what it takes for us to try new things - especially those things that elicit that insurmountable fear made all the greater from the weight of public scrutiny.
For me, having people who support me is a huge part of what gets me started. But my own knowledge of the payoff is what keeps me going - the knowledge that if I put in my best efforts, I have much more to gain regardless of what happens, than my audience has to lose if I fail. This helps to takes the pressure off.
Looking back, both my "performances" turned out pretty well; wait, scratch that - they turned out great. Despite my own hard-on-myself standards, I felt incredibly empowered and proud of myself after the applause came. Whether that was due to the quality of my performance or my knowledge that I faced a fear doesn't matter. I came away feeling great - accomplished.
accomplish (v.) from Old French acompliss-, lengthened stem of acomplir, based on Latin ad- + complere ‘to complete.’
After a frenzied weekend of much anticipation and stress, my real accomplishment, as many say, was in fact just "showing up." How you define "showing up" is up to you, though I see it as "showing up" after showing up. This is where the real reward comes from.
It's about starting what you started, yes - but then also following through with integrity.
show up (v.) 1826, "to disgrace through exposure," see show (v.) + up (adv.). Meaning "to put in an appearance, be present" is from 1888.It took almost the length of a human lifetime for the definition to evolve from disgracing someone by exposing them, to willingly exposing oneself. I say: Don't wait your whole life to try something new and scary. Expose yourself to those fears and challenges, do your best, and come into the light.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment