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July 30, 2015
decide (v.)
Decisions decisions.
But really, in the imperative. Do it. Decide.
We fear making a move for fear of finding out that our move "forward" only brought us back to where we started. But, you're never really where you started. If we don't move at all, well, we will have not moved anywhere. Wherever we go, at least we may have done a little skip and a hop, or a dance, or a stumble or a puddle dive in the process. More interesting than just standing around, right? And the worse case scenario is you're left with a few scars from the many little cut offs you made as you carve yourself into the best version of yourself.
It's an inner struggle but once you get there it's a feeling of relief. A ridding of something - sometimes that something is more like a tumor, a dead weight; mostly, whether malignant or benign, you're leaving behind what you know to get to know something you don't. Usually it's simply putting familiarity to rest.
Literally speaking, a decision is a"cut off" - A cutting off from the alternatives, from the options you didn't choose; or maybe it's a deadline, one that none other than Time made you slowly broach and forced you to finally settle on something.
decide (v.) late 14c., "to settle a dispute," from Old French decider, from Latin decidere "to decide, determine," literally "to cut off." Sense is of resolving difficulties "at a stroke." Meaning "to make up one's mind" is attested from 1830.
Regardless of what brought it on, if the decision is to feel good, the cleaner the cut the better. A cut from uncertainty requires a bit of don't-look-back mentality. You take the back-and-forth tangly self-doubt and face it head on with some shears. It can be a very intent, meticulous process like an operation or a quick flick of the wrist; or it can be a completely debaucherous, reeling ramshackle of a scene as you throw yourself into decision alley, eyes closed, and take the gutting into your own hands.
Some decisions are a done-deal straight away but you wait to become acquainted with the results; others hit you before you even realized you made the decision in the first place. Some decisions demand endurance to become real, requiring long follow-throughs and follow ups; you have to ensure you've actually done the thing you decided to do, and not just passively prayed it would happen just because you decided it should.
Ultimately, you have to cut to the chase.
Maybe you're tiredly gnawing at the dead weight until it completely falls away; or maybe you just flicked the darn alternative off the table a bit too abruptly and now are left with crumbs of regret. But any way you slice it (sorry getting pun-happy), you have to own the results that domino from your decision - whether you're peacefully observing the waterfall or drowning right in it. You have to let go of the ifs and buts and what-could've-beens.
Ultimately, you have to cut to the chase.
Maybe you're tiredly gnawing at the dead weight until it completely falls away; or maybe you just flicked the darn alternative off the table a bit too abruptly and now are left with crumbs of regret. But any way you slice it (sorry getting pun-happy), you have to own the results that domino from your decision - whether you're peacefully observing the waterfall or drowning right in it. You have to let go of the ifs and buts and what-could've-beens.
The deciding factor may be fuelled by a muddled intuition, but there should be at least some reasoned thought process present to settle your inner dispute. Without it, I think it's hard to rid yourself of the self-doubt that will eventually come later when you start retrospectively dissecting the whole darn thing - because most decisions are hard and what's ahead of the fork takes some time getting used to. You need an honest recognizing that, yes, some degree of risk or uncertainty is tolerable.
We fear making a move for fear of finding out that our move "forward" only brought us back to where we started. But, you're never really where you started. If we don't move at all, well, we will have not moved anywhere. Wherever we go, at least we may have done a little skip and a hop, or a dance, or a stumble or a puddle dive in the process. More interesting than just standing around, right? And the worse case scenario is you're left with a few scars from the many little cut offs you made as you carve yourself into the best version of yourself.
Ideally, reason found reason to give you enough clarity to decide on something that's tearing you in two. And sometimes that's the biggest piece - jerking yourself out of analysis paralysis, (gently if possible), because you realize a clean, thoughtful cut is better than losing your mind until the indecision-making rips you apart anyway.
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