I've moved my blog to WP: idefiningi.wordpress.com
December 8, 2015
vantage (n.)
[Originally written for Life.Actually]
It’s officially been one whole month since I left Vancouver and though I’ve been reflecting a lot, I thought it was about time I reflected more constructively on what I’ve learned since I arrived - about myself, what I want out of this move, and out of life in general. Funnily enough, today I went up to Sky Garden on Fenchurch Street and by getting a new vantage point of the City of London, it also got me thinking about my own perspectives on things since I’ve arrived here.
I always told myself that the success of this journey of mine didn’t really depend on “success” - that even failure would be a learning that would uncover something beneficial, even essential. So far, I am still unemployed (no surprise there though), though I’ve done quite a bit of work already - on myself.
Here’s what I’ve been working through over the last few weeks. (The first week was a bit of a shock to the system and my primary realization was that I cope pretty well with change….so long as I remember to slow down - slow down long enough to process and write (and get enough sleep)).
1. Life is work. And a work of art. Balancing life and work is really about integrating them rather than separating them. Even if we slice up our days and still call it “work-life balance,” in the long run, they are one. It takes effort to live fully, and well, and to play; but in the end, the quality of our time here is a consequence of how hard we worked to live a good life (read that in any way you wish).
2. My extroverted tendency is very ambivalent. I’ve enjoyed investigating my desire for privacy versus my need to recharge from being around others (and who those others are plays a huge part, too). I am much more mindful of my time, and when I share it with others I’ve found I’m focusing more on moments rather than seeing “the relationship” as a function of accrued time. This is likely because I’m meeting all sorts of people with whom I haven’t had lots of time to accrue in the first place. I’m realizing in many ways this is how deeper, more meaningful - not necessarily long-term (and that’s okay) - relationships form: with moments, rather than repeated time together. This wasn’t as obvious before as it’s been a long time since I’ve had to put in such efforts to make new friends. I’ve been much more mindful of each experience as these are more prominent than the “history” I have with each person here (which in most cases is non-existent).
I’d like to apply this lens, of having relationships more moment/experience-oriented, with new and existing friendships more. The people I miss most from home - and from the past and in my life in general - are those with whom certain deep, experiential moments of growth stand out. Some moments require an investment of time, of course. It’s about striking a balance between these two outlooks; and it begins, I think, with a certain self-awareness - and one that can only come with spending quality time with yourself so that you can become more mindful of your time spent with other people.
3. Tapping into melancholy makes me feel very alive. And creative. (This can be dangerous.)
4. I’m all about discovering joy. Being here new to the city with somewhat erratic connections to people and places, I’ve had the incredible opportunity to explore all sorts of lifestyles, cultures, groups, events, interests, and activities. I’ve enjoyed most of it in a very sincere way and it’s made me learn that I’m a bit of a social chameleon (though not in the way that makes me inauthentic.) I just tend to be able to derive quite a lot of deep joy from a very diverse set of people and experiences. Sometimes this makes me feel like I’ve lost myself or that I’m not sure of my identity - which may explain #2 and (particularly) #3. But in the end, it’s about finding joy and I’m happy to be defined by that.
5. Structure is important - ideal when voluntary. I gravitate towards stability and routine, and I like to plan. I love to be spontaneous within (ideally, my chosen) structure. I cannot live without the feeling of home, and this comes from the experience of safety, which ultimately comes from the experience of familiarity, patterns, and knowns.
6. Life is an existential compromise. The sooner you realize this the more choice you’ll have in what those compromises are. (I won’t get into this one tonight…)
7. Feedback is key. I took some career personality assessments as part of a PD course I’m taking through UBC and learned that I feel most motivated at work when: I see that what I’m doing has impact on others. A common way to see the impact we make is through feedback.
I also learned that I prefer to not have to ask for feedback. In my opinion, feedback is a sign of respect - from giving the mellowest nod of approval or thanks, to constructive criticism, suggestions, or full-fledged credit and large thank you’s. Next time you see someone ask you for money on the street, say something; it needn’t be a yes. Next time your colleague helps you with a project, give them credit. Go beyond just feeling gratitude for your loved ones; show them thanks.
8. Running has saved me. It pushes me forward to see new places and spaces outside and within myself. Exercise in general, I think, just lets my thoughts and emotions move through me in a healthy way and get better figured out. And if not figured out, at the very least, it lightens me up: It makes me move or realize I am always moving, dynamic, alive - even (and especially) at times when I feel stagnated, still, lazy, stuck.
9. Technology is both a blessing and a curse. For instance, I’m trying to rely on it less when navigating the city; it’s much easier to keep my eyes open for signage, use my brain to remember landmarks, or ask a person quickly for directions than it is to blindly follow my CityMapper arrow, spinning around in circles till I find North. However, it connects me to home and allows me to catch up with my loved ones. Sometimes I feel I’m straddling between two worlds, and so I apologize to many of you with whom I don’t talk as much as I should - It’s hard and taxing at times to relay every single thing that’s going on here with me especially as there is so much, I am 8 hours ahead, and it becomes redundant, vapid and monologue-y; but know you all come into my thoughts as I’m undoubtedly experiencing my life here by way of comparison (not in a bad diminutive way, just through retrospect). You’re all here in one way or another, and it need not be by way of technology.
10. Cooking is very therapeutic. You can make a home just by fixing yourself a plate of nutritious delicious food (even if at times it’s just toasted crumpets with Devonshire cream and plum jam).
With all this ruminating and writing, which I’m so glad I’ve been able to dedicate more time to while here, I’ve been sort of building these little lessons in my head. For now, it’s to help me feel on track, as I gather information about my life. I also imagine I’ll be revisiting this again to see if and how my impressions change after I spend more time here. But regardless of where things go, I already feel this move has been worth it.
Started on the Overground from Islington Dec 7. Completed on the Bakerloo from Charing Cross, Dec 8, 11:54pm.
It’s officially been one whole month since I left Vancouver and though I’ve been reflecting a lot, I thought it was about time I reflected more constructively on what I’ve learned since I arrived - about myself, what I want out of this move, and out of life in general. Funnily enough, today I went up to Sky Garden on Fenchurch Street and by getting a new vantage point of the City of London, it also got me thinking about my own perspectives on things since I’ve arrived here.
vantage (n.) early 14c., “advantage, profit,” from Old French avantage “advantage” (from avant “before,” probably via Latin abante, “advance”). Vantage point “favorable position” attested from 1865.
I always told myself that the success of this journey of mine didn’t really depend on “success” - that even failure would be a learning that would uncover something beneficial, even essential. So far, I am still unemployed (no surprise there though), though I’ve done quite a bit of work already - on myself.
Here’s what I’ve been working through over the last few weeks. (The first week was a bit of a shock to the system and my primary realization was that I cope pretty well with change….so long as I remember to slow down - slow down long enough to process and write (and get enough sleep)).
1. Life is work. And a work of art. Balancing life and work is really about integrating them rather than separating them. Even if we slice up our days and still call it “work-life balance,” in the long run, they are one. It takes effort to live fully, and well, and to play; but in the end, the quality of our time here is a consequence of how hard we worked to live a good life (read that in any way you wish).
2. My extroverted tendency is very ambivalent. I’ve enjoyed investigating my desire for privacy versus my need to recharge from being around others (and who those others are plays a huge part, too). I am much more mindful of my time, and when I share it with others I’ve found I’m focusing more on moments rather than seeing “the relationship” as a function of accrued time. This is likely because I’m meeting all sorts of people with whom I haven’t had lots of time to accrue in the first place. I’m realizing in many ways this is how deeper, more meaningful - not necessarily long-term (and that’s okay) - relationships form: with moments, rather than repeated time together. This wasn’t as obvious before as it’s been a long time since I’ve had to put in such efforts to make new friends. I’ve been much more mindful of each experience as these are more prominent than the “history” I have with each person here (which in most cases is non-existent).
I’d like to apply this lens, of having relationships more moment/experience-oriented, with new and existing friendships more. The people I miss most from home - and from the past and in my life in general - are those with whom certain deep, experiential moments of growth stand out. Some moments require an investment of time, of course. It’s about striking a balance between these two outlooks; and it begins, I think, with a certain self-awareness - and one that can only come with spending quality time with yourself so that you can become more mindful of your time spent with other people.
3. Tapping into melancholy makes me feel very alive. And creative. (This can be dangerous.)
4. I’m all about discovering joy. Being here new to the city with somewhat erratic connections to people and places, I’ve had the incredible opportunity to explore all sorts of lifestyles, cultures, groups, events, interests, and activities. I’ve enjoyed most of it in a very sincere way and it’s made me learn that I’m a bit of a social chameleon (though not in the way that makes me inauthentic.) I just tend to be able to derive quite a lot of deep joy from a very diverse set of people and experiences. Sometimes this makes me feel like I’ve lost myself or that I’m not sure of my identity - which may explain #2 and (particularly) #3. But in the end, it’s about finding joy and I’m happy to be defined by that.
5. Structure is important - ideal when voluntary. I gravitate towards stability and routine, and I like to plan. I love to be spontaneous within (ideally, my chosen) structure. I cannot live without the feeling of home, and this comes from the experience of safety, which ultimately comes from the experience of familiarity, patterns, and knowns.
6. Life is an existential compromise. The sooner you realize this the more choice you’ll have in what those compromises are. (I won’t get into this one tonight…)
7. Feedback is key. I took some career personality assessments as part of a PD course I’m taking through UBC and learned that I feel most motivated at work when: I see that what I’m doing has impact on others. A common way to see the impact we make is through feedback.
I also learned that I prefer to not have to ask for feedback. In my opinion, feedback is a sign of respect - from giving the mellowest nod of approval or thanks, to constructive criticism, suggestions, or full-fledged credit and large thank you’s. Next time you see someone ask you for money on the street, say something; it needn’t be a yes. Next time your colleague helps you with a project, give them credit. Go beyond just feeling gratitude for your loved ones; show them thanks.
8. Running has saved me. It pushes me forward to see new places and spaces outside and within myself. Exercise in general, I think, just lets my thoughts and emotions move through me in a healthy way and get better figured out. And if not figured out, at the very least, it lightens me up: It makes me move or realize I am always moving, dynamic, alive - even (and especially) at times when I feel stagnated, still, lazy, stuck.
9. Technology is both a blessing and a curse. For instance, I’m trying to rely on it less when navigating the city; it’s much easier to keep my eyes open for signage, use my brain to remember landmarks, or ask a person quickly for directions than it is to blindly follow my CityMapper arrow, spinning around in circles till I find North. However, it connects me to home and allows me to catch up with my loved ones. Sometimes I feel I’m straddling between two worlds, and so I apologize to many of you with whom I don’t talk as much as I should - It’s hard and taxing at times to relay every single thing that’s going on here with me especially as there is so much, I am 8 hours ahead, and it becomes redundant, vapid and monologue-y; but know you all come into my thoughts as I’m undoubtedly experiencing my life here by way of comparison (not in a bad diminutive way, just through retrospect). You’re all here in one way or another, and it need not be by way of technology.
10. Cooking is very therapeutic. You can make a home just by fixing yourself a plate of nutritious delicious food (even if at times it’s just toasted crumpets with Devonshire cream and plum jam).
With all this ruminating and writing, which I’m so glad I’ve been able to dedicate more time to while here, I’ve been sort of building these little lessons in my head. For now, it’s to help me feel on track, as I gather information about my life. I also imagine I’ll be revisiting this again to see if and how my impressions change after I spend more time here. But regardless of where things go, I already feel this move has been worth it.
Started on the Overground from Islington Dec 7. Completed on the Bakerloo from Charing Cross, Dec 8, 11:54pm.
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