I've moved my blog to WP: idefiningi.wordpress.com
February 20, 2015
mediocrity (n.)
mediocrity (n.): early 15c., "moderation; intermediate state or amount," from Middle French médiocrité and directly from Latin mediocritatem, "a middle state, middling condition, medium," from mediocris. Neutral at first; disparaging sense began to predominate from late 16c.
Since when did living "in the middle" become a bad thing? Apparently since the 1690s. Discussing dreams and goals with a friend today found me identifying the tension between achieving and dreaming big. Both of us have set goals over and over and reached them relatively smoothly, finding ourselves time and time again at that "peak" that disappointingly feels rather...mediocre. I thought we'd be gasping for oxygen up here; rather, I'm gasping at how underwhelming achievement can be. Can we reach for more? Are we not dreaming big enough? "It must not be such a big deal then, if I could get here or do it," said more than one person, I'm sure.
And with each achievement building our confidence and ambition, is a dream only big enough when you fail?
For as long as I can remember, I've made writing an important aspect in my life. I wrote my first poem in grade one (it was about the moon, and it rhymed) and I read it aloud and received (what I believed was honest) applause. I kept it up, though over the years, more private.
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| From a 2004 journal entry. |
And while my writing style has (I hope) evolved from angst-ridden and self-indulgent, towards witty, critical, nostalgic and cynical, (informed by the years of the grand ol' experience that is a human life, years piled like those countless stacks of my "vocation",) I realize now more than ever that I've done a pretty good job of being a mediocre writer. Or perhaps (if there is a difference), a very mediocre job at being a great writer.
Is that so bad? Have I found a middle way - of doing something I really love in the periphery of other things I kinda also love? Or am I not dreaming big enough to give this something a bigger, less mediocre, attempt..?
How extreme, disruptive, challenging - perhaps impossible- must one's pursuit be to make Mariana's Trench into Everest?
And why does it seem more appealing to proclaim to the world, "I wrote this between Delhi and Dubrovnik when I couchsurfed" than it is to say, "I wrote this during my evening commute between Arbutus and Fraser after my 9-to-5."
Like right now.
p.s. Before the tinge of disparagement crept in, another name for the "Golden Mean" was golden mediocrity. Let's think about that one.
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