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March 5, 2013
gut instinct (n.)
I remember when I'd get an upset stomach as a child and I
couldn't keep any food down, my mom would make me eat burnt toast and
sip on endless teaspoonfuls of chamomile tea; however, the moment I craved
something (and I recall it once being shrimp gumbo), she'd make me a plate and watch me revel in the tasty mouthfuls. And I'd feel better.
Even if it seemed wrong, giving a child seafood in the midst of food poisoning, she trusted my craving, my gut instinct. And it was right.
I often experience this lingering sensation at the pit of my stomach. Oftentimes - and thankfully - it isn't a stomach bug. Rather, it's a gut feeling that encroaches, ever so mildly, from my stomach up into my throat, a noiseless, weightless clog in the throat.
I listen to it whir inside me, quietly enough that it's difficult to understand, but too loud to ignore. And if I listen intently enough, but ever so passively so as not to mute it out or change its form, it tells me something.
The icky, heavy feeling, the gut instinct, makes us step out of our comfort zone - simply by making us feel uncomfortable.
Countless times, if I listened long enough, it would eventually transform into an increasingly confident voice inside me sharing some kind of worthwhile message - telling me to react in a certain way, notice something, act on something. It's gotten me out of the mundane, the lonely, the empty situations that we often find ourselves in, pushing me to step out into the world and do something new. It's made me book flights at whim; it's made me run for that last train (and I made it); it's made me send in applications, turn them down, and accept them. It's made me say things out loud to others - and it's made me admit things to myself. This gut instinct has often been my impetus to act, fighting the lethargy of my body and the paralysis of my mind.
And it's here again.
Lately, I've been trying to listen to this gut feeling, which is churning inside of me. What I've noticed though - and in retrospect it's probably always been true - is how vague the distinction is between your gut instinct - and anxiety.
For weeks I've felt a lingering anxious sensation, which I've been trying to make my ears more sensitive to in order to better comprehend. I've been seeking this message, the craving of my spirit, in hopes of arriving at what my gut instinct is trying to tell me.
I'm still listening.
Even if it seemed wrong, giving a child seafood in the midst of food poisoning, she trusted my craving, my gut instinct. And it was right.
I often experience this lingering sensation at the pit of my stomach. Oftentimes - and thankfully - it isn't a stomach bug. Rather, it's a gut feeling that encroaches, ever so mildly, from my stomach up into my throat, a noiseless, weightless clog in the throat.
I listen to it whir inside me, quietly enough that it's difficult to understand, but too loud to ignore. And if I listen intently enough, but ever so passively so as not to mute it out or change its form, it tells me something.
The icky, heavy feeling, the gut instinct, makes us step out of our comfort zone - simply by making us feel uncomfortable.
Countless times, if I listened long enough, it would eventually transform into an increasingly confident voice inside me sharing some kind of worthwhile message - telling me to react in a certain way, notice something, act on something. It's gotten me out of the mundane, the lonely, the empty situations that we often find ourselves in, pushing me to step out into the world and do something new. It's made me book flights at whim; it's made me run for that last train (and I made it); it's made me send in applications, turn them down, and accept them. It's made me say things out loud to others - and it's made me admit things to myself. This gut instinct has often been my impetus to act, fighting the lethargy of my body and the paralysis of my mind.
And it's here again.
Lately, I've been trying to listen to this gut feeling, which is churning inside of me. What I've noticed though - and in retrospect it's probably always been true - is how vague the distinction is between your gut instinct - and anxiety.
For weeks I've felt a lingering anxious sensation, which I've been trying to make my ears more sensitive to in order to better comprehend. I've been seeking this message, the craving of my spirit, in hopes of arriving at what my gut instinct is trying to tell me.
I'm still listening.
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